Fear…

“You can’t stop being afraid just by pretending what scares you isn’t there” -Michael Marshall.

This quote strikes close to home with me. For years I ran from my problems. Or, tried to. I thought if I stopped thinking about it or talking about it, that they would go away or that I could convince myself that I imagined it.

I have severe anxiety and a lot of things made me have panic attacks. Even the little things like I forgot to do something or that I think I forgot to lock up the house when I left. I can’t stop thinking about it until I get home and check. It makes me a nervous wreck.

I have a lot of things that I am afraid of. Some justified and some that are just ridiculous. My biggest thing lately with all the stress and me being sick is that I am so scared to sleep without my husband at least being in the house with me. So when he goes to work I get so scared of someone breaking in or getting hurt that I stay up all day till he gets home then crash in bed because since I’ve gotten sick I’ve been super exhausted.

I’ve been “sick” for almost two years. I got diagnosed with my one problem right after I got married and then slowly I keep getting more sick and with more illnesses. And the hardest part isn’t the doctors, or the tests, or medications. It’s the fact that I rarely leave the house unless I go shopping for food or whatever else I have to do. So with that comes losing the ability to be social. Okay, not losing the ability, just… Out of practice.

I rarely leave my house other than mostly doctor appointments. And I don’t have any friends that come visit very often. So when I do go out with my friends or try and make new ones it’s very hard for me. I don’t know how to have a normal conversation that doesn’t sound like I’m complaining or making it all about me.

It’s hard to admit but, I seem to just complain lately to anyone who will listen about how much my life sucks in my eyes. When in reality, my life is the best it can be. I just need to let go of the past and focus on getting better and coping with what I struggle with.

And learning to face my fears no matter how ridiculous they may be. Once I do that, maybe I can start moving forward and keep moving forward instead of one step forward and three steps back.

I just need to believe in myself.

Credits photo: burstingwithcolors

My name is Karley and I am a 23 year old Chronic Illness Blogger who suffers from Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, Pelvic Floor Dyfunction, Anxiety and Depression.



Auteur: Karley Linger
My name is Karley and I am a 23 year old Chronic Illness Blogger who suffers from Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, Pelvic Floor Dyfunction, Anxiety and Depression.

Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Abonneren op